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Batman's burn out -Chp1

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WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING

You might want to read this before reading our fic :

-First, we don’t own Batman. If we did, Batman would be waaaay more fun. And wearing clown make-up! Bwahaha!

-Second, this is a CRACK-FIC. Everyone are craaaaazyyy!!! Except the Joker, who already is. Oh, and Alfred. Because Alfred is always sane. Yeah. We love you Alfred.

-Thirldy, if you don’t know who Harley Queen is, theeen you might not get some jokes about her. So there: she was a psychologist who worked at Arkham asylum, and she fell in love with the Joker. So she went craaaazy and became his sidekick. Yep. That’s all, folks.

-And FINALLY.. Gordon won’t be in this fic. Because Gordy’s a good cop, and we’re mocking cops here. So let’s say he’s in vacation with his lovely wife and his lovely kids. So here’s faaar aaawaaaaay from Gotham city, and he leaves Batman aaaall aalooone with those stupid cops. Poor Batsy.


Oh.. and if you’re a cop or your daddy’s a cop, or your’re mommy –anywway, please don’t sue us. No seriously, DON’T!!!








Batman’s burn out</u>



It was a usual day at Gotham city. Batman had just captured the Joker and was waiting for the cops, who arrived shortly.


« Nice catch Batman! »

« Yeah, nice catch! » said a police officer, a doughnut between his fingers.

« See ya in a week Batsy!  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!’

« Right… »

« Don’t worry Batman; I assure you that this time he’ll stay in Arkham for </i>good</i>. We created a cell especially for him. There’s no way he’ll escape.”

This only made the Joker smile wider.

“It was about time…” murmured the dark detective before leaving.


Honestly, Batman had enough of purchasing Joker. He couldn’t rest anymore and it was always him who had to catch him every single time. No one was helping him, but what bothered him the most was that no cell could keep him for over a month. That really shocked him. That night he almost gave them a piece of his mind but restrained himself.

At least this time he could rest a little. So, he went back to the mansion, quickly changed and went to bed. Just as he was about to lie down, he hear the bat-signal.

« What now? » he said in a deep voice. He got up quickly to go find out what crime had been committed, and realised that the Joker had escaped. Again.

« …Damn it!! A new special cell, huh? Well done!! Idiots… »

And it was with anger and annoyance that he changed and went away.


On his way to Arkham he found and caught the Joker who was just “passing-by”.

« Batsy!! » Before he could continue with one of his terrible jokes, he threw him into the bat-mobile and bound him to his seat.

« That new cell was amazing. You should’ve been there, Batsy! There were lazers everywhere, and guards!! But, heh, what can I say? -Nothing can keep me away from you. Not even a hundred of guards… But you look grumpy tonight my little Batsy!! You didn’t even let me finish my plan –you just caught me! Like that! Is this the time when bats are- ?”

“Shut up!!”

“Oooooh! Batsy’s angry! Very, very, very, very, very angry! »

«  I said: ,SHUT UP . »

And to his surprise, the Joker listened, a wide smile on his face.

« And stop smiling. »

« But you know I can’t-’

« Alright, alright, just shut up!! »

Once at the police station, he kicked the door open and let the now-bound-Joker fall next to him, looking quite pissed.

« Alright. Why wasn’t there ANY police car chasing him!?!? »

But all the police men seemed to ignore him.

« Hey, well done Batman! You’ve caught the Joker again! »

« Yeah, good job! This time we have a cell specially for- ”

«SHUT UUUP!!!!!!!! »


Everyone fell silent immediately, and the Batman just lost the last drop of patience that he had left.

« Okay. Do you know what pisses me off the most? It’s not about the Joker who escaped Arkahm again, noooo. He just does his job as a psychopath!


The Joker approved with a nod of the head.


« Hey did I say you could move! »

« Aw comon Batsy- »

« Stop calling me BATSY!! It’s BATMAN!!! You can call me The Bat, you can call me The man of bats, I don’t care, but not BATSY!! It’s too sisi and… intimate for a nickname!”

“We see each other almost every day.”

« Shut up!! That not true- in fact, yes, it is, and it’s all YOUR FAULT!!! » he yelled, pointing each of the policemen.

« I don’t see what you mean. » murmured the doughnut man.

« SHUT.  UP. EVERYONE. Now I’M the one talking!! Usually I don’t talk very much, but this time I’ll speak up!!

It’ against YOU that I have a grudge; you, the police of Gotham!! You can’t even do your job at keeping one man in that god damn asylum, when this man is completely insane!! It should be easy, right!?? I need to sleep too!! I’m HUMAN!! You’re not the one who chases him, I AM!!!”

“Eehh… mister Batman-”

-WHAAAAT!!!!!??

A shy young police man spoke up. “Uhh... you see, sir-”

« -WHAT, WHAT IS IT!!!??!»

« Eeeerr… well, i-in t-this book wich is called : The Police Code of Gotham- »

« -WHAAT?!?! WHAT ABOUT THAT BOOK!?!?? »

« You go, Batsy! Show him who’s the man between you two!! Let me be proud of you! I always wanted to see you scream at a police officer, this moment is orgasmic!!”

« IT’S BATMAN!!!! BAT. MAN. And, you, what about that book?! »

« W-well… » the poor man was totally intimidated. It was his first day as a police officer. “Well, sir (cough), about our Police Code of Gotham city… Rule number two, and I quote: Ahem... If the Joker, or Penguin, or any villain –but specially the Joker- escapes, it’s for the Batman to catch him, and the police must not interfere into their battle…


…There was a long silence, and Batman sighed before rubbing his temples.


« Alright… alright, alright, alright… I don’t mind if I have to capture him… »

« Really Batsy!!?? »

And the Joker got hit on the ribs.

« I’m a beat up woman!!! »

« SHUT UP!! »


And Batman did something very intelligent: he covered the Joker’s mouth.


« Alright… as I was saying : I don’t mind if I have to capture him… but if you could at least keep him locked up when I catch him?!? Is it too much to ask!!? Isn’t there anyone to watch him?”

« Er.. well… » the doughnut man started speaking, « ever since Harley… no one wants to watch him anymore…”


Again the silence.



« You’ve got to be kidding. »

« Er, no… he scares everyone… in Arkham. »


Small laugh from the Joker. Another kick from the Batman.


« …and the only person who wasn’t afraid of him was Harley, and we all know what happened to her…”


Another laugh from Joker. Another kick from the dark detective.



« Well you know what? Screw you!! I have no choice now: I’ll do the only thing that none has ever though of doing! You’ll see… you’ll all see!!!”



At the mansion…




« Sir, you did WHAT?!!? »

« You’ve heard right Alfred. The Joker is in the basement. »


There was silence, and a long laugh could be heard downstairs.
.

« ..Master Wayne… could you explain me what came to your MIND!??!”

« It’s very simple Alfred. They can’t keep him at Arkham, then I’ll keep him myself! It’s finished for the Joker; he’ll never go back to the streets of Gotham ever again. »

« He’s in your cave, sir. »

« I know, I know. All I’ll have to do is to feed him three times a day, to give him new cloths, wash him up once in a while, and that’s all. Piece of cake.”

“..He’s not an animal!! He’s your worst enemy, who is in YOUR basement!!!”

« Ahh, Alfred… he’s in the bat-cage (xD). And with him out of the way, it’ll be like 90% of my job is done.”

« But sir!! You’ve brought the enemy in the bat-cave!!! What will you do if he frees himself and discovers who you are!?? »


Other silence.



« Oh god Alfred. I did something really stupid. »

«That you can say, sir. »

« ..You weren’t supposed to answer that… but yeah. I guess it’s one of those moments you’ll have to say: I told you so.

« Actually master Wayne… I can’t. I would’ve never though that one day you’d bring the Joker to our secret hide-out. And sir, I have to tell you that from all the things you’ve done, this one is by far the most stupid, the most irresponsible, the most insane, the most unthinkable-”

« Alright, I get it!! ..But I still think we’ll have to keep him… »

« ..You really talk about him like he was some kind of animal. »

« Well, it’s half true when you think about it.. »


Alfred stared at him.


« ..What? Men come from monkeys. And the Joker is anything but human anyway...”

« …I don’t like it, sir. I have terrible bad feeling..”

« Relax, Alfred. What could possibly go wrong? »




Author’s note :

Ho, you’ll see Brucey, you’ll see… xD
So that's it folks. Batman's becoming nuts, and I undestand him perfectly. :lmao:


This was inspired by a RP :iconsmarterchildhater: and I did together. She did the Joker and Alfred, and I did pissed-off Batman. :XD: It was so much fun to do.


Chapter2:
[link]


Batman + The Joker + Alfred (c) DC Comics
The stupid cops (c) ~smarterchildhater and ~DianaCazadora
Batman's burn out (c) ~smarterchildhater and ~DianaCazadora

The pissed-off Batman is ours. :XD: The Joker is for everyone.
© 2008 - 2024 DianaCazadora
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Brainiac5fanatic's avatar
Batman has gone off the deep end XD